


Belt of Venus

by SinnohRemaker



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Existential Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Rebellion Story, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23197792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinnohRemaker/pseuds/SinnohRemaker
Summary: In the aftermath of Madoka rewriting the universe and becoming the Law of Cycles, Homura has fallen into listless misery. She finds herself lacking purpose, and this sends her spiraling into an existential crisis, wallowing in self loathing and questioning if anything that happened to her was even real. Kyoko is still emotionally volatile and heartbroken after Sayaka is taken by the Law of Cycles, and seeks Homura out for comfort and advice. They cling to each other in an effort to temporarily alleviate their pain, but end up forging a meaningful connection and making genuine progress towards recovery.
Relationships: Akemi Homura/Kaname Madoka, Akemi Homura/Sakura Kyouko, Miki Sayaka/Sakura Kyouko
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	1. Field of Spider Lillies

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during the period of time after the series, but before Rebellion. MadoHomu and KyoSaya were both canon in the timeline leading up to this story, but Madoka and Sayaka are both a part of the Law of Cycles now, and Homura and Kyoko are left to grieve, because for all intents and purposes, they are dead. I have never read the Wraith arc, and my knowledge about how the wraiths function is based on the Wikipedia page, so I apologize if I make any mistakes.

Homura lets out a noncommittal sigh as she gazes absentmindedly at the ceiling of her apartment, kicking her legs about idly as she lays sprawled out on the couch. She lazily glances at her phone on the table across from her, momentarily considering whether she should skip this song on her playlist, before ultimately deciding that she can’t be bothered. She justifies this by mentally asserting that it’s simply not worth the energy to reach all the way across to the table, unlock her phone, and pick a different song that suits her mood more adequately. 

She grimaces slightly, reprimanding herself for having become so pathetic. She raises her hand above her face, inspecting her fingernails as though there’s something interesting about them. Her thumb skims the tiny diamond shaped mark on her middle finger, then allows her entire arm to flop across her chest. She isn’t used to having so much free time, and she honestly has no idea how to fill the empty spaces in between each of her daily battles with the wraiths. Time drags by her like it’s a deadweight, wondering bitterly if it would be pointless to try and take up some sort of hobby. She blinks her eyes sleepily, clearing her head of the thought. 

It’s meaningless to even briefly entertain the idea of being able to achieve some sort of purpose, or even a sense of clarity, in the aftermath of all of this. She could faintly remember a time when things had been different, but her memories in that regard were distant and fuzzy. Sometimes, she found herself laying awake at night, questioning if any of the things that had happened during that month that she repeated on an agonizing loop were actually real. It was almost comforting to pretend that it was all an elaborate construction of her dilapidated mind, a fantasy she’d woven from pieces of broken memories in order to make some sense out of her desolate existence. 

But that would be too easy, and she was painfully aware of that. The universe seemed to always conspire against her in order to ensure that she relive her worst moments in the form of dreams, or gruesome flashbacks. She’d lost count of the amount of times she’d have to forcibly wrench herself out of a panic attack, counting shaky breaths until her hyperventilation calmed into a rhythm that only slightly resembled a death rattle. She couldn’t even begin to conceptualize the number of instances where she’d have to tear herself out of a nightmare with a scream in the back of her throat, burying her fingers into the inky black coils of her messy hair and tugging _hard, _in a desperate attempt to ground herself. She would repeat aloud a hopeless manta of “it isn’t real, it isn’t real...” until the vivid images of her friends’ mangled bodies flickered away into static, and she was left alone in the darkness of her own room.__

__She turns onto her side, trying to snatch her mind away from the thought before she can get fixated on it. Despite her best efforts, she’s struck with the mental image of rosy pink eyes gazing up at her with pleading sadness, lashes fluttering and dewy with tears, and pale skin stained dark crimson under dripping rivulets of blood. In her periphery, she can see a trembling hand being raised towards her, and she can faintly hear the sound of _someone so familiar _begging her to put an end to her suffering.___ _

____With a wheeze of breath through her dry lips, she’s able to bring herself back to reality. She presses her palm flat against her chest and feels for her heartbeat, listening to that heavy thundering against her rib cage and trying to control her breathing. She’s afraid to even blink her eyes closed for a moment, plagued by the lingering terror of being affronted by another buried memory. She clutches at her face and focuses intently on her mundane surroundings, studying the cracks on her wall as though they were terribly fascinating. The drabness or her sparsely decorated apartment clashes harshly with the lucidity of her horrific vision, and it’s jarring to say the least._ _ _ _

____It’s excruciating, how easily she can conjure up the memories she’d been trying to repress for years, just a few meager reminders of her past and she was back in that awful moment like it was happening all over again. It all felt so real, from the stench of copper burning in her nostrils to the trembling in her hands that she tries so hard to suppress._ _ _ _

____She turns onto her side, shifting on the couch in a fruitless attempt to find a more comfortable position._ _ _ _

____“It isn’t real.”_ _ _ _

____She reminds herself placidly, as though putting a voice to her thoughts will somehow soothe her._ _ _ _

____“It was just a ghost.”_ _ _ _

____Homura thinks she has too many ghosts. She allows her focus to return to the gentle sound of her music, her addled brain trying to make sense of the lyrics. Listening to music for hours was a pastime she rarely got to indulge in, and she revels in the fact that, in the absence of everything else, she has this to fall back on. She’d been miserable before, but at the very least, she had something that she could dedicate the entirety of her being to. There wasn’t any time for her to become listless and wallow in her own misery, and it was likely the only thing staving off her countless regrets from swallowing her whole. She couldn’t afford to falter for even a fraction of a second, and so she detached her mind from her heart and started viewing the world through the lens of emotionless analysis. Cracks easily wormed their way into her impassive facade, but she had never pretended to be anything other than a monumental failure at everything she’d set out to do._ _ _ _

____She had once lamented the fact that she didn’t have enough time, but now, time was all that she had, and she was thoroughly sick of it. She had nothing within herself to numb that empty, gaping void, and so she whittled away her hours with pointless and trivial pursuits, until the days all began to run together like monotonous muddy water. She honestly wasn’t even sure what month it was anymore._ _ _ _

____She is startled out of her thoughts by a knock at her door, causing her to flinch. The cogs in her brain turn until she is accosted with the memory of having invited Kyoko over, and she fights against the reflex to slap her hand against her face. She bites back a groan as she reaches over to turn off her music, then drags herself onto her feet. She stretches until she can hear her shoulders pop, swaying a little at the wave of dizziness that washes over her._ _ _ _

____“The door’s unlocked. You can come in.”_ _ _ _

____Homura announces, hoping her voice will carry far enough for Kyoko to her. The door swings open, and the first thing that the red-head does is flick on her lights, nearly blinding her. Homura raises her hands to shield her eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the brightness. Kyoko closes the door and shuffles inside, kicking off her shoes and simply discarding them at the doorstep._ _ _ _

____“Were you just sitting here, in the dark?”_ _ _ _

____Kyoko asks, watching with disinterest as Homura gathers her phone and a few other possessions from off of the table._ _ _ _

____“Yes.”_ _ _ _

____Is all Homura offers. She doesn’t feel like elaborating any further._ _ _ _

____“Okay then.”_ _ _ _

____Kyoko deflects with a shrug, and proceeds to dump several plastic bags onto Homura’s table without warning. Homura arches a brow, casting her best incredulous stare._ _ _ _

____“So, uh, where did you want me to put my stuff?”_ _ _ _

____Kyoko inquires dispassionately, shifting her weight about from one leg to the other._ _ _ _

____“What’s all this?”_ _ _ _

____Homura presses, pausing to try to peer into the bags that she’d deposited on the table._ _ _ _

____“I brought snacks.”_ _ _ _

____Kyoko states matter of factly, still looking utterly unbothered by the awkwardness of the situation she’d created._ _ _ _

_____Of course you did, _Homura finds herself thinking, but decides against putting a voice to her sarcastic quip.__ _ _ _ _

______“So, you wanted to discuss fighting strategies, yes?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura proposes, eager to change the course of their conversation. Kyoko rips open a packet of Pocky with her teeth, and proceeds to stick one in her mouth. Where she’d gotten it from, is a mystery that Homura doesn’t care enough to solve._ _ _ _ _ _

______“That’s the gist of it, but I mostly just wanted to hang out.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura nods feebly in response, watching as Kyoko plops down on the chair adjacent to her as if it were her own house. She relaxes back into the chair, reclining and kicking her feet up against the table as if she doesn’t have a care in the world._ _ _ _ _ _

______“The wraiths that hang out near the shopping district at night are getting on my nerves. They’ve become such a pain in the ass to fight...”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko mumbles through a mouthful of Pocky, not bothering to watch as Homura seats herself at the couch._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I have noticed that they’ve become increasingly powerful over the past few weeks. But I don’t think the change is that significant, as long as we don’t expend our magic.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura replies, hoping that she doesn’t sound as stiff and uncaring as she feels._ _ _ _ _ _

______“One of those damned things scratched me up pretty good the other day, when you were busy with something else. Thank goodness for Mami’s healing magic, or I would have been aching for quite a long time.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko elaborates, popping a broken off end of a Pocky stick into her mouth and chewing loudly. She glances around the room for a brief moment, before going off on another tangent._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Your apartment is kind of boring, huh? Hardly any furniture or anything. Haven’t you considered doing any interior decorating?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko asks, scratching at the back of her head and reaching into her jacket pocket for another packet of Pocky. Homura assumes that she must have a nearly infinite supply of them. Homura is overcome with a sudden wave of deja vu, and has to fight back a full body shudder. She could recall Kyoko making a similar, yet opposite remark, in some timeline she’d long since abandoned. She’d invited Kyoko over in order to discuss a plan to defeat Walpurgisnacht, back when the despair and grief of the world manifested itself in the form of witches. She’d commented on the countless diagrams and pages of notes that she’d left scattered haphazardly across the floor, seeming a little perturbed by the disastrous state of her living space. ‘An absolute clusterfuck,’ had been her exact wording._ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko is staring intently at her face, she realizes. She is probably waiting for a response, she reminds herself, feeling especially stupid._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I suppose I just prefer a minimalist aesthetic. It’s easier to keep things neat and tidy when there is less to keep track of.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura finally replies, trying to regain the steadfast pace of their conversation. Kyoko pushes a stick of Pocky all of the way inside of her mouth, then bites down with a soft crunch._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I guess it kind of suits you. I wish I could keep everything so pristine, but I still have the habit of leaving food wrappers everywhere. No matter how hard I try, I always seem to-“_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko cuts off abruptly, her jaw snapping shut with an audible click. Homura finds herself wondering what offset this sudden change in demeanor, and lifts her gaze to look up at Kyoko. The other girl is staring at her with wide eyes, shock painted brazenly across her features. Homura follows Kyoko’s astonished gaze, trying to figure out what had warranted such blatant, open-mouthed staring. Her crimson eyes are fixated squarely on Homura’s arm, and it takes her mind a moment to fully process the precarious situation she’s found herself in._ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura had lifted her hand ever so slightly, and the sleeve of her cardigan had rolled down her wrist. She’d been too preoccupied with her own thoughts to roll them back up, and now she’d unwittingly exposed Kyoko to a rather ugly aspect of herself. She really wasn’t in the mood to explain to her why she always wore long sleeves._ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura takes advantage of Kyoko’s stunned silence in order to regain her composure. She pinches the bridge of her nose in between her forefingers, and puffs out a resigned sigh. She really doesn’t have the energy to deal with this today._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are...Are you okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko asks bluntly, concern mingled with confusion evident behind her words. Homura is not prepared to navigate Kyoko’s fumbling attempt at trying to interrogate her about her wellbeing, but she steels herself in her seat, deciding that she’ll at least make an effort._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re going to have to be more specific.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura drones, trying to keep her voice flat and uninterested. Kyoko has set the half finished packet of Pocky aside, leaning closer to Homura and blinking several times, as if she is trying to affirm what she is seeing._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Have you been fighting wraiths off on your own?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko revises her previous question, tilting her head to the side as if she truly doesn’t understand. As if wraiths attack their enemies by leaving rows upon rows of, even, methodical cuts on a person’s wrist, and nothing more. Homura frowns into the darkness of the realization that Kyoko is simply worried about her, like any good friend would be upon such a discovery, and is not trying to insult her intelligence. She mulls it over, trying to be cautious with her word choice._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It isn’t like that, I’m afraid.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Is what she manages to come up with. Although she’s managed to avoid coming across as unnecessarily rude, she’s definitely opened herself up to more suspicion and alarm from Kyoko. The look of fear and worry glimmering behind Kyoko’s ruby red eyes is discomforting in a way Homura can’t really describe. Homura flinches away from her intense gaze, folding her hands onto her lap and squeezing her thighs until her fingernails begin to dig into her skin._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What exactly happened, then?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko is choosing her words very carefully as she speaks, which is bizarre in a lot of ways. In all the time that Homura has known her, she’d always be the type to say the first thing that popped into her head, and not ruminate too heavily on the consequences of her actions. The fact that she was treading with caution here meant that, for some reason that Homura doesn’t quite comprehend, Kyoko cares about her wellbeing in some regard._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re not stupid, Kyoko. I’m sure you can figure it out.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura’s response is far more brusque than she’d originally intended, but she wasn’t particularly keen on the idea of having to spell it out for her. Admitting it outright would make her feel emotionally vulnerable. The fact that Kyoko had already seen the scars made her skin crawl with self loathing, and she honestly felt as though she’d feel less exposed if Kyoko had seen her naked. Kyoko swallows thickly, and an uncomfortable silence settles over the room as she begins to fidget with her hands._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko sounds a little distraught, but her phrasing is so blunt that Homura almost finds it within herself to laugh._ _ _ _ _ _

______Almost._ _ _ _ _ _

______Instead, Homura bites her lip and fixates her eyes squarely on the ground. Her nails leave little crescent shaped welts on her thighs as she clenches her hands tightly. The nervous tension that surrounds them is palpable, and Homura wishes there was some way to diffuse the oppressive atmosphere she’d inadvertently created._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko’s voice cuts through the quiet tension, with all of the subtlety of a brick through a fragile glass window._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What are you sorry for?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura asks with a tilt of her head, incredulous._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m sorry that you would feel the need to... do that.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko murmurs, an almost condescending gentleness behind her words._ _ _ _ _ _

______“If you could contextualize my feelings with any modicum of accuracy, you wouldn’t be apologizing to me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura scoffs, her tone bitter enough to make Kyoko wince. For a fraction of a second, Kyoko looks wounded._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You act as if I’ve never seen a person destroy themselves before.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko fires back, rising to her feet and walking up to where Homura remained seated. Homura feels cornered, despite the fact that she could easily exit this particular scenario if she really wanted to._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Can I see?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The concern in Kyoko’s voice is unmistakable. Homura is so affronted by this that she can’t find it within herself to object, and immediately raises her hand for her to inspect. She can’t bring herself to make eye contact, though. Not for anything in the world._ _ _ _ _ _

______With excruciating tenderness, Kyoko rolls her woolen sleeve down to her elbow, sucking in a breath through her teeth. Homura doesn’t miss the quiet whisper of ‘Oh my God,’ under Kyoko’s breath, but she kind of wishes that she did. Kyoko’s fingertips trace the outlines of huge, deep gashes that had long since healed over, her hands trembling a little bit as she brushes against the damaged skin._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh Homura...”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko murmurs, her shock and horror evident in the slight wavering behind her voice._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re disgusted.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Homura observes, her tone detached and unfeeling, almost as if she’d been expecting it._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, it’s just...”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kyoko trails off, gripping Homura’s wrists and shaking ever so slightly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It must have been _agony... _”___ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko’s words are faintly detectable, but Homura can still tell that she sounds pained and scared. Homura can’t help but feel ashamed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It was.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Is Homura’s terse reply, feeling Kyoko lift her arm to examine even more scars._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m so, so sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko breathes, hands trailing over the countless wounds._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I don’t want your pity.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura mutters darkly, shame coiling in her gut and sinking into a pit in her stomach._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s not that I pity you, I just don’t want you to hurt like this.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko counters, voice cracking a little bit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Why are you so upset by this?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura snaps, far more frustrated at herself and her own weakness than at Kyoko._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you think I want you to suffer? Do you think I enjoy watching everyone I care about rip themselves to shreds until there’s nothing left?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko demands, a hysterical edge to her questions. Homura forces out a harsh laugh._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m not worth caring about. You’d be better off without me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura laments, words bitter and heavy with contempt for herself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So what, I should just let you hurt yourself? I should just allow you to deteriorate and die?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko is shouting at this point, clinging onto Homura’s hand like she’s her lifeline._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I would deserve it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura snarls, trying her best to direct all of her anger inward. They are encroached by a long, painful silence once Homura’s mouth snaps shut. Homura glances upwards at Kyoko’s miserable expression, and regrets it instantly. In horror and amazement, Homura watches as Kyoko drops to her knees, putting herself at eye level with Homura. She grips Homura’s hand and pushes her palm against her cheek, rubbing her face against Homura’s wrist and sighing sadly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, no, please don’t say that. Nobody deserves that kind of pain. Least of all you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko whispers, leaning her cheek against Homura’s hand and reveling in the gentle touch. Homura comes to the realization that Kyoko is crying, complete with another wave of immense remorse and a sinking feeling in her gut._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I didn’t mean to make you so unhappy. I’m sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura rasps, fighting against a prickle of tears in her own eyes. She can feel Kyoko’s tears rolling down her cheek and soaking into her palm, and the immediate wave of guilt makes her stomach flip._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“God, I’m such a mess. I’m probably just making things worse. I just can’t keep doing this...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko cradles her hand tenderly, tracing her fingertips along the bluish vein of Homura’s wrist, visible under all of the scar tissue._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know that you’re hurting. The pain of being a magical girl is a burden unlike any other. I understand how you feel, but I-“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Kyoko, enough. I really don’t think you could ever possibly understand. Just because you’re sick of me feeling sorry for myself doesn’t mean you understand me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura retorts, tensing as she feels Kyoko’s fingers clenching tightly around her forearm. Homura’s disgust with her own pitiful state of being seems to exponentially increase the more that Kyoko insists on helping her. She wants to brush her off, to reject Kyoko’s consistent offering to ease her pain, but her attempts at diffusing the volatile situation only seemed to make things worse._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t give me that condescending attitude. You and I are the same. We’ve both lost somebody we care about. Even if you never talk about it, I can tell you’re missing somebody.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura visibly grimaces and recoils as though she’d been burned, her lips pulled into a thin line and her amethyst eyes ablaze with pain._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Am I that obvious? I really have become weak, if I can’t conceal something as trivial as my past emotions from you...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura muses, her words dripping with contempt for herself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s not that! Stop putting words in my mouth! Don’t project whatever awful thing you might be thinking about yourself onto me. That’s not how I feel.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko huffs out a disheartened breath, the agitation in her facial expression quickly dropping._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know you’re probably not in a place where you’ll be able to hear this and truly accept it, but I do care about you. For whatever that might be worth to you, I think you matter.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kyoko soothes, her body language still cautious and unsure. Homura steals a glance at the look of sadness and concern glimmering in those ruby red eyes of her, and immediately regrets it, and ashamed horror prickling low in her chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“The kindness that you extend to me is unwarranted and thoroughly unnecessary. You of all people should know that superfluous selflessness has no reward. I know as well as you do that for all of the hope you wish for someone else, an equal but opposite amount of despair will manifest in its wake. That principle is inherent to the very nature of being a magical girl.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Homura reminds, almost wishing she had the strength to raise her head and search for the flicker of anger that would inevitably cross Kyoko’s face. Instead, the slightly taller girl gives an exasperated laugh, folding Homura’s hand onto her lap and smoothing the fabric of her woolen cardigan to cover her injuries._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“For someone so intelligent, you really can be dense sometimes. You’re a hypocrite, you realize that, right? When Sayaka was taken by the Law of Cycles, _you _helped me cope with it. You were the only one who checked in on me, and because of you, I was able to get through the worst of it. You’re a pretty damn good person. You’re worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura finds herself at an absolute loss for words, which is a little strange at first, but when Kyoko bends down to wrap her arms around her and pull her into a hug, the silence feels natural and comforting. She almost wants to fumble with a half-hearted excuse, something about how she was only doing what she believed Madoka would want her to do, but when Kyoko rests her head on her shoulder and nuzzles her frizzy head of wavy red hair into the pale juncture of her neck, the words immediately wilt and die on her tongue._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I hope I’m not overwhelming you. I’m probably freaking you out a little bit. I just... need this. I can’t lose somebody else. I just need to feel that you’re here right now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura can hear the gentle pattern of Kyoko’s heartbeat as the redhead settles onto her lap, and feel the warmth emanating from her as she softly presses her ear against her cheek. There’s a sense of peace instilled in both of them by the mere contact, temporarily allowing them to forget that they’re no longer human, and just bask in a moment of temporal serenity._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Don’t concern yourself with that. It’s nice...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura whispers, finally returning the embrace and pulling Kyoko even closer. Kyoko squeezes her tightly with shaking arms, and Homura can hear her sniffle._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I don’t want to let go...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko breathes, shivering with delight as Homura starts to rub her back fondly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You don’t have to. We have time.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Time was such a fickle thing, and despite the nature of her powers changing due to the universe being rewritten, Homura felt like she had a better grasp on it now than she ever did before. She still had something left to do on this earth before Madoka took her away. Madoka had always been so endlessly kind, and although Homura could never emulate such a beautiful thing with the same grace that she did, she could at least try to spread that warmth through her own words and actions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m so ridiculous sometimes. You’re probably really annoyed with me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko whimpers, her voice warbling with emotion. She cards her fingers through Homura’s haphazard cascades of raven black hair, fiddling with the silken ebony tresses._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m not annoyed as frequently as you might think. I’ve been told I’m suffering from a chronic case of resting bitch face.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko blinks away a few stray tears and laughs wholeheartedly, pulling back just enough to make eye contact while keeping her arms looped around Homura’s shoulders._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You’re really something else, you know that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Almost instinctively, Homura wipes at the tear tracks on Kyoko’s face, her thumb cautiously sliding against her freckled cheeks. Kyoko hums at the contact, closing her eyes and giving a pleased sigh._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“This is dumb, but I still feel really gross being so vulnerable. I’ve known you for ages... Well I guess it hasn’t been that long, but it feels like I’ve known you my whole life.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko whispers with a self deprecating chuckle._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You have no idea...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura murmurs, brushing at another tear gliding down Kyoko’s face with her knuckle._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“It makes me feel so weak, so pissed off at myself. I hate feeling like this all the time. I wish I could just... get over myself. Go back to being the stone cold asshole I tried so hard to convince myself I was.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko sighs, groaning at herself before leaning back in to rest her chin on Homura’s shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You can’t make yourself numb to it. The more you try to repress your emotions, the more they’ll come back to haunt you. Pain isn’t something that will disappear if you push it down far enough. It just hurts until it doesn’t.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura exhales, her tone of voice soft, yet sincere. Kyoko sobs against her neck, clinging onto her with an almost aggressive intensity._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I miss Sayaka...”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko bawls, her chest heaving as she cries into the fabric of Homura’s cardigan. Homura grasps onto her jacket almost resolutely, overcome with a sense of steely determination to help her feel better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Sayaka loved you. I’m sure she misses you too, wherever she is now. The Law of Cycles may have taken her, but she’s still watching over you. I can feel it. I know she wants the best for you. As long as you remember her, you are not alone.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura was probably projecting a little bit, telling Kyoko the same things she told herself about Madoka, to help her sleep at night._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I could have done so much more for her. I could have saved her if I’d just... tried harder to help her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura winces at how true those words rang for her own situation, as well. The swirling thoughts of self blame were never ending, and they poisoned her mind as she tossed and turned in her bed each night._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Assigning yourself inordinate amounts of guilt won’t help you constructively cope with the situation. I don’t think Sayaka would want you to tear yourself apart over this. She wouldn’t want you to suffer. So you have to keep fighting... for her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura reassures, hoping that her tone was sympathetic enough without being patronizing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Do you still cry about it? Do you still miss... whoever it is that you lost?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko asks, her tone of voice heavy and her words thick with pain._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Of course I do. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t miss her. I’ve cried countless tears, and once I think I’ve finally processed the pain... it all comes rushing back.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura admits, deciding that brutal honesty was the best policy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Her...?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I... don’t think I’m ready to talk about it. I don’t think I could do so without breaking down. For now, I just want to help you. It wouldn’t be beneficial to either of us if we just spiraled into despair together.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura murmurs, her hot breath tickling the shell of Kyoko’s ear. Kyoko snuggled up against her, her relaxed form sprawling across Homura’s lap._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“This is why I don’t buy any of that bullshit you always say about kindness having no reward. You’re so fucking nice, Homura. What makes you so certain that you’re not a good person?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko questions quietly, noticing the way the other girl sucked a breath in through her teeth and gulped nervously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I hurt a lot of people for the sake of achieving a certain goal. It meant nothing to me at the time, because I just saw it as a means to an end. But I failed at what I set out to do. Now all I have left is a sea of endless regrets, and the shell of a person I allowed myself to become.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________They are encroached by a brief, uncomfortable silence, until Kyoko replies._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Well... I think you’re pretty extraordinary. I don’t see you for who you were, back then. All I can see is the kind of person you are now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko pauses for emphasis, taking a deep breath and locking her arms around Homura’s hunched shoulders even tighter than before._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You’re a lot better with words than I am, but hopefully I can still make you understand. You love to wax poetic about your pain and your regrets, but you don’t realize that isn’t what other people see in you. You might only see yourself for your flaws, but isn’t everything that you are. Does that make sense? I’m probably just rambling, but what I mean is... you’re a genuinely good person, and I want to help you too.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko’s gaze fixates on for a brief moment, her eyes widening when she notices the sun beginning to dip beneath the horizon._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Shit, it’s late! I’m a little bummed that we didn’t get any actual strategic planning done, but... I’m glad that I came to see you today. I really needed this. Thank you so much, Homura.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko stands up carefully, gingerly stretching her arms and stifling a yawn._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“There’s no need to thank me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura mumbles, watching as Kyoko starts to gather her things in a lackadaisical fashion, readying herself to head out the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Mami’s gonna be pissed at me, probably. Ah well, it wouldn’t be the first time. I can handle it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Once Kyoko finishes gathering all of her things, she grabs a small chocolate from her bag and pops it into her mouth, and heads over to the door. As she places her hand on the doorknob, she casts Homura a concerned glance over her shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Hey, before I go... Can you do me a favor?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura nods without even considering it first, wanting to be of some use to the other girl._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“The next time things start getting bad for you, and your thoughts start going to a dark place... instead of resorting to self destructive habits, could you just call me instead? I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to lessen the burden of your pain, but at the very least, I want to try. I want us to get better. Together.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Homura finds herself stunned into complete silence, unable to quantify the emotion that those words filled her with. She has to blink back a prickle of tears in her eyes for a brief moment, but at the same time, she can feel her heart swell with warmth. It was baffling in its fleeting beauty; almost bittersweet._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I will. You have my word.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kyoko flashes her a toothy grin, and Homura can feel the sincerity of it, despite the obvious fact that her eyes were still red and puffy from crying._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’ll see ya tomorrow, same time as always. Hopefully we’ll have some good luck with hunting wraiths.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The door gives a soft click as Kyoko closes it behind her, and the atmosphere of her lonesome apartment is almost surreal. Homura supposes she has a lot to think about, but she can mull it all over as she gets ready for bed. Her exhaustion is starting to wane on her sanity a little bit, and even if she tosses and turns within the throes of insomnia tonight, at least she’ll be able to reflect on Kyoko’s heartfelt words as she stares up at the ceiling in the darkness of her room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Rift in the Space-Time Continuum

_Homura finds herself swimming through a sea of endless colors. She feels like she’s been caught inside of a kaleidoscope, as her surroundings won’t stop shifting and changing; a writhing mass of indescribable shapes and light that is effectively suffocating her. She’s crying into her hands, bawling hysterically and muffling pathetic whimpers into her palms. She detects a presence behind her, and she feels the warmth of someone fondly pressing up against her body, whispering sweet nothings into her ear._

_Madoka._

_Homura begs Madoka not to leave as she feels her arms wrap around her, and as she hears that beautiful, familiar voice reassuring her, she turns around and sobs into Madoka’s chest. Madoka’s slender fingers comb their way through her black tresses of hair, stroking and caressing it in an attempt to soothe her. Madoka is telling her all about how she’s happy that she can finally understand the things that Homura had done for her; how much pain she’d endured and how many years she’d sacrificed for her sake. Homura wants to scream her lungs out, and insist that if Madoka forsakes everyone and everything that she’d always cared about for the sake of some greater cause, she’d have certainly failed at what she set out to do in the first place. But any amount of coherent words escape her, and all she can do is wail into the crook of Madoka’s neck._

_“I had to become what I am now to truly understand how much you love me.”_

_Madoka murmurs tenderly, tracing her fingers along each of the knobs of Homura’s spine and pressing a kiss into the crown of her hair._

_“But what does it matter now!? I love you with everything that I am, but I couldn’t save you! You’re going to be completely alone! I broke our promise, I-“_

_“That’s not true, Homura. This love that we share, it was able to transcend into this plane of existence, and I will cherish it forever. I won’t be alone as long as I have our memories to keep me company.”_

_Madoka interrupts softly, cradling Homura’s face in her hands and cupping her cheek. She wipes away a tear that falls, and Homura impulsively presses a kiss against her jawline._

_“Don’t you understand? Your friends and family will have the memory of your existence erased from their minds! Even I’ll forget you! I can’t live without you, so you can’t just disappear!”_

_Homura weeps, her arms locking around Madoka’s torso and clinging to her like ivy. With a slight twinkle in her rose colored eyes, Madoka leans down plants a delicate kiss on Homura’s forehead and shakes her head._

_“You managed to follow me all of this way, didn’t you? I do still believe that miracles can happen, so you shouldn’t lose sight of hope.”_

_Madoka lulls, shifting to pepper kisses across Homura’s nose and cheeks. Homura lets out a heaving, broken sob, and leans into the warmth of Madoka’s touch._

_“I love you Madoka, please. Don’t go. I’m nothing without you. I need you more than anything.”_

_Homura hiccups, her breaths starting to become shallow and painful. Madoka sadly shakes her head._

_“I’m not leaving you, Homura. Even if you can’t see me, or hear me, I’ll always be with you. I’ll be by your side throughout every hardship you’ll face, and I’ll be cheering for you all the while.”_

_Madoka coos, and Homura can see the radiant hues of red and purple being pulled apart somewhere in the distance, and feels Madoka being torn away from her._

_“No, no, I can’t do this! This can’t be what you really want. You don’t deserve to have to exist like this. It isn’t fair. Anyone but you.”_

_Homura sniffles, desperately clinging onto Madoka’s lithe form. Madoka shifts her hands to untie her ribbon from her hair, her pastel pink locks floating in all directions around her head._

_“It’s much too late to be giving up hope. As magical girls, we have to keep fighting for people’s hopes and dreams. The belief that sustained you all this way, just keep holding onto it! I’m absolutely sure you’ll remember me as you always have, and you’ll be able to keep on fighting.”_

_Madoka whispers, and it sounds like a promise. Madoka presses her ribbon into Homura’s hands and clasps them together, the two of them only able to touch at that point of contact as Madoka is pulled even further away._

_“You’ll see. Everything’s going to be fine. I love you, Homura.”_

_Madoka beams, and pulls Homura in for one, final kiss. Their lips meet for only a few seconds, but Homura throws all of the passion she can muster into the kiss, as if she was trying to imprint the intoxicating sweetness of her kiss into her own mouth. Madoka’s hands slide away from Homura’s, forcing a gap between them as her body starts to sparkle brightly._

_“Madoka! Please don’t go!”_

_Homura calls out, reaching out for Madoka but finding herself unable to grasp hold of her._

_“I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go meet the others now. I don’t know when, but I will see you again Homura. Promise! But until then, make sure you take care of yourself, okay?”_

_The light that was illuminating her swallows her whole, and Homura is thrust away from her, backwards into the void. She screams her throat raw, her throat burning, tears cascading down her cheeks as she tries to struggle against it with all of her might. The sound of her own agonized shrieking is echoing in her ears, and the terror overcomes her is deafening. She wants to clap her hands against her ears, but her physical form feels indistinct, and her breath is rattling in what was supposed to be her lungs, and she’s shaking and hyperventilating, and she can’t breathe, and she’s-_

____

__Her eyes shoot open at the sound of somebody knocking at her window, and she sits upright in bed, her body still tense from the vivid dream she’d just experienced. She rubs at the remaining tears that had gathered under her eyes, and turns on the lamp at her nightstand in order to see who had awoken her. She immediately sees Kyoko perched on her balcony, waving at her through the glass. Homura sighs heavily, and walks over in order to unlock the window. As soon as she slides it open, Kyoko crawls inside through the gap, stretching her arms idly once she gets inside._ _

__“What brings you here so late?_ _

__Homura asks, inspecting her fingernails under the dim light of her bedside lamp. Kyoko flashes her a sheepish smile, scratching at the back of her head._ _

__“Sorry to wake you. I just left something really important here, and I needed to drop by and get it as soon as possible.”_ _

__Kyoko replies, trying to sound nonchalant and failing._ _

__“I don’t mind you waking me up from that, honestly. Whatever it is, it’s probably still in the living room. I haven’t really moved anything around.”_ _

__Homura drones, her voice heavy and dark like a rough-cut gem. She rubs at her eyes, and hopes to herself that Kyoko didn’t hear her crying in her sleep. Shrugging her shoulders, Kyoko flicks on the lights in Homura’s room and steps out into the hallway, turning on more lights as she goes along. Homura follows her, simply for lack of anything better to do. Kyoko heads into the living room and she decides to visit the nearby kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water and sipping at it in order to ease the ache in her throat. She hears Kyoko rummaging around in the couch cushions, probably making a mess as she searches._ _

__“Ahah! I found it!”_ _

__She announces, and Homura walks over to see her clutching a silver locket in her hand._ _

__“What’s that?”_ _

__Homura asks, folding her arms across her chest and tilting her head to the side. Kyoko’s face falls, her gaze silently trailing to the floor._ _

__“Sayaka gave it to me when we were still together. When she was still... here. I put a picture of the two of us inside of it.”_ _

__Kyoko rasps, voice warbling with poorly concealed emotions. There’s nothing but resigned sadness in the way she carries herself as she takes a few paces towards Homura, her bleary eyes reflective of an impassive facade worn thin through grief._ _

__“Does it ever get better? Does it ever get any easier to deal with?”_ _

__She whimpers, her ruby red eyes dull and glassy with what must have been tears. It was always so disconcerting to see Kyoko like this, as she’d never been so broken down and emotionally wrung out, not in any of Homura’s countless timelines. This was what was curled up and hiding beneath all of those layers of artifice and melodrama; the shield of rage she’d put up against the world. Stripped bare of those petty theatrics, she could only seem to muster a dull exhaustion, numbed by spending her life frightened and miserable. It probably wasn’t a far cry from the despair they were trying to fight against._ _

__“I’m afraid I don’t understand...”_ _

__Homura breathes, although she completely understood what Kyoko was asking her. She just didn’t know how to answer without sending them both spiraling._ _

__“What the hell are we even doing here? What are you doing? What are your plans for the future? What are any of us going to do with ourselves?”_ _

__She questions in a frustrated tone of voice, her bleary crimson gaze gardening as she pads closer to Homura._ _

__“I... I don’t really have any concrete plans for the future. I’ll just try and keep fighting wraiths for as long as I can.”_ _

__Kyoko grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her, startling her a little bit. Homura doesn’t think the gesture comes from a place of genuine aggression, and can only find herself mustering a resigned hum when Kyoko forces herself into her personal space, eyes glittering with tears that were on the brink of spilling over._ _

__“Don’t give me that shit, Homura. You’re not one for spontaneity. You plan everything you do out carefully when you’re battling the wraiths, so you must have some idea of what you’re going to do with yourself.”_ _

__She snarls, jabbing an accusatory finger against her chest._ _

__“There’s no need to take that tone with me.”_ _

__Homura replies, her voice taking on a distant and airy quality. A few tears skirt across Kyoko’s lash line, and her expression contorts into a scowl._ _

__“Why not? You’re always so vague and cryptic and I’m fucking sick of it. Just spit it out! Are you planning to kill yourself or something? Are you going to stop purifying your soul gem? Hell, have you even purified it recently? What are you-“_ _

__“Relax.”_ _

__Homura snaps, flashing her completely clean soul gem ring in Kyoko’s face and turning away from her. Facing the wall, she feels more comfortable expressing her honest thoughts._ _

__“I’m not going to try and off myself. I won’t endanger myself on purpose, either. There’s no reason to throw my life away needlessly, but there’s no reason to stay here for any longer than I should.”_ _

__She catches a glimpse of Kyoko pulling at her own hair in her peripheral vision, and feels an uneasy sensation of guilt twisting low in her belly._ _

__“What the hell is that supposed to mean? You’re not gonna be proactive and fight for your own life?”_ _

__She bristles, and Homura is so taken aback by it that she has to close her eyes and remind herself that this hostility is just a defense mechanism, and Kyoko isn’t lashing out because she harbors any genuine negative intentions._ _

__“I don’t understand where this outburst is coming from. I already told you that I’m not going to commit suicide, and I was being completely honest when I said so. Why should you invest any of your time or concern to pursue such a pointless issue further?”_ _

__Homura responds idly, looking away and inspecting her fingernails when she feels Kyoko start to hover closer to her._ _

__“I don’t want to put up with your constant unhealthy bullshit anymore, I really don’t. Your fatalistic attitude, and the way you don’t value yourself at all... it’s terrifying. And it shouldn’t confuse you; the fact that I actually give a damn about you. People care about you, get it through your head!”_ _

__Homura gives an empty, bitter laugh once she’s certain that Kyoko is finished talking, her raspy chuckling heavy with self loathing._ _

__“I’ve already told you that I’m not worth your time, and now I’ve upset you and made you worry over something frivolous. All I’ve ever done is make things worse, and meddle where I don’t belong. I’m a fucking terrible person.”_ _

__Homura cocks her head to the side with a wry smile on her lips, clutching at her upper arms and squeezing in an attempt to ground herself._ _

__“Maybe that’ll help you understand why I’ve picked up the habit of casual self destruction. Do you have any idea how much I hate myself? You could never understand the full extent of what I’ve done. Making myself suffer eases the guilt.”_ _

__She pauses to draw in a raspy breath, drinking in Kyoko’s mortified expression before continuing._ _

__“The constant guilt of being a failure, and a cruel, selfish excuse for a human being. Hell, I can’t even call myself human anymore. I lost that distinction years ago, when I made that foolish mistake and wished for something unattainable, and made everything worse. I need something to numb that, and if I didn’t find an escape through slitting my wrists, I’d probably just find another way to cope that’s just as harmful. Happy now?”_ _

__She grins, her fingertips alight with a manic energy, practically high off of the sensation of dread building in her chest._ _

__“Homura...”_ _

__Kyoko exhales, pressing closer to her with a sympathetic look on her face. Homura’s eyes are burning, and she really hopes that she’s not tearing up._ _

__“Oh, and if you really want an honest answer to your question. I might as well tell you. I’m going to keep fighting for as long as my magic will sustain me. Maybe a few more years. Maybe a few more months. And then... I’ll let the Law of Cycles take me, and I’ll disappear. No corpse left behind, and nobody who’ll care enough to hold a funeral for me. It’ll be like I never even existed. And the world will be a better place for it.”_ _

__Suddenly, Homura feels herself being slammed against the nearest wall, and she yelps in mild surprise when Kyoko pins her by the wrists and kisses her. Homura closes her eyes and reciprocates, slotting their lips together until Kyoko licks into Homura’s mouth and pushes her further into the wall. It’s a messy, desperate thing; and their teeth occasionally click together as they swivel their heads about and try to follow each other's movements in unison, but they’re both too overwhelmed with emotion to care. They break apart when the lack of oxygen becomes too much, and Homura can feel her heart fluttering in her chest when Kyoko looks at her panting with flushed cheeks, her crimson eyes burning with a ferocity that she hadn’t seen since before Sayaka died._ _

__“Never talk about yourself like that around me again. And don’t you’re not going to throw yourself away on my watch, got it? You’ll stay alive for as long as I fucking tell you to.“_ _

__She huffs, finally dropping Homura’s wrists in favor of pushing her against the wall at the chest._ _

__“What are you gonna do, make me?”_ _

__Homura smirks, gasping and shivering as Kyoko yanks her ebony black hair to the side to bite and suckle at her neck. She feels Homura squirm against her, so she pushes her knee into her abdomen to keep her in place._ _

__“You’re a fucking idiot.”_ _

__Kyoko growls, her teeth sinking into a sensitive spot and tasting her pulse. Homura can feel her the pattern of her breathing start to become uneven, and she sighs wistfully when Kyoko licks a long stripe from her neck to her collar bone._ _

__“You won’t die. I don’t give a damn what I have to do.”_ _

__Kyoko pushes her knee up against Homura’s stomach, using it to press her further into the wall. Kyoko’s palms map a pattern of warmth across her body, caressing her with a cautious tenderness despite the harshness of her words. Homura laughs sordidly and tilts her head back, feeling Kyoko’s hands slip under her shirt and rest against her stomach._ _

__“This is beyond reckless. You know that, right?”_ _

__Homura murmurs, feeling electricity tingling through her veins as Kyoko pulls the collar of her shirt back and latches onto her pale shoulder, digging in her sharp canines._ _

__“Why should it matter? Do you have any objection to it?”_ _

__Kyoko asks quietly, lavishing the bruise that she’d created with her tongue. Homura chuckles and shakes her head, her face crinkling into a hesitant smile as she looks down at Kyoko._ _

__“No, I don’t. We both need distractions, don’t we?”_ _

__Homura murmurs, her voice distant even to her own ears as Kyoko guides her towards her bed and pushes her against the mattress. Kyoko positions herself on top of Homura, seating herself across Homura’s thighs and staring down at her blankly. Homura raises an eyebrow at this, watching in bewilderment as Kyoko slowly, tenderly laces their fingers together and kisses the back of her hand._ _

__“Kyoko...?”_ _

__“You’re so beautiful.”_ _

__Kyoko whispers almost reverently, pressing Homura’s hand up against her jawline and closing her eyes with a quivering huff. Homura cups Kyoko’s cheek and caresses her face, still somewhat confused by the turn of events, but choosing to go along with it anyways._ _

__“You have such pretty hands. S-such delicate fingers...”_ _

__Kyoko breathes, her words wavering with emotion almost as if she was in awe. She grabs Homura’s wrists and kisses her fingertips and palms, eyes glazed over with what must have been more tears. She presses Homura’s hand back up against her cheek, guiding her shaky fingers back against the curve of her jawline, clasping her own hands there in order to keep them in place. Homura strokes her jawline absentmindedly, and Kyoko just closes her eyes and sighs, leaning into the touch._ _

__“You’re so good to me, Homura...”_ _

__Kyoko whispers, the tension melting off her face as Homura continues to touch her ever so gently. Humming softly, Homura wipes at the drying tear tracks on her freckle spattered face with each pass of her hand, something deep within her chest aching when she sees her give a quiet sob as Homura cautiously retracts her hand. Tentatively, Homura leans in for another kiss; slow and somewhat somber, as if they were trying to express some incommunicable melancholy through the subtle pressing of their lips together._ _

__“I... don’t understand why you seem to think I’m anything special. I’m really sorry, Kyoko...”_ _

__Homura murmurs as they pull apart, although she isn’t quite sure what she’s apologizing for. She certainly does blame herself for Kyoko being upset to a certain extent, but she’s self aware enough to be able to pinpoint that the true cause of her shame runs much deeper than that. She hates herself for forcing Kyoko to care so deeply for her, when she knows herself to be thoroughly undeserving of such compassion from anyone. She’d subconsciously manipulated Kyoko into investing her time and emotions into a lost cause like her, and she’d never be able to forgive herself for it. She didn’t want to picture the amount of hurt she’d inevitably put Kyoko through when she ended up dying, but simultaneously finds a twisted sense of relief in the idea that somebody would actually miss her once she was gone. It’s repulsively selfish of her, but there’s a fleeting fragment of catharsis in the idea that her existence means something, even if it’s just to one person. That she wasn’t just a horrific failure who’d destroyed the only purpose in life that she could have possibly fulfilled. She supposes that she’ll just have to add that feeling of selfish catharsis to the innumerable list of things that she’ll never forgive herself for._ _

__A slight tug on her hair brings her back to reality, with Kyoko’s crimson eyes fixated on her with a burning intensity that ought to startle her, but just fills her with a brimming curiosity. Kyoko leans in closer to her, until Homura can feel her breath ghosting against her check, and the black haired girl simply couldn’t help but derive a slight thrill from the unpredictability of wondering what Kyoko might say or do next. It was all tantalizing, and Homura can’t suppress a gasp when Kyoko grabs a good fistful of her hair and yanks._ _

__“Knock it off.”_ _

__She growls, pressing soft kisses against her neck, and then sinking her teeth into the spot where her pulse pounded._ _

__“Huh?”_ _

__Homura blurts, nothing short of confused at Kyoko’s sudden divergence in tone._ _

__“You’ve got that weird look in your eyes again. That look you get when you’re berating yourself inside your head. It freaks me out...”_ _

__Homura blinks in surprise at the astute observation, tilting her head to the side as Kyoko presses their bodies even closer, giving her easier access to her neck._ _

__“What gave me away?”_ _

__Homies questions, an airiness to her voice that belied a sense of lightheartedness, despite the gravity of the subject matter._ _

__“Well, usually when I’m talking to you, you make that exact expression before you say some seriously depressing shit.”_ _

__Kyoko mumbles, continuously planting kisses along Homura’s neck and jawline and she speaks. Homura chuckles quietly at this, humming lightly in contentment as Homura latches down on her neck again._ _

__“You’re more perceptive than I’d ever given you credit for.”_ _

__Homura breathes, to which Kyoko just raises an eyebrow. Homura has to remind herself that a lot of her memories of Kyoko were no longer congruent to this plane of reality, and even within the confines of this particular timeline, Kyoko had changed quite a lot. Kyoko would probably never be to understand the nuances of such thoughts, so it probably wasn’t worth dwelling on. Regardless, she feel a tenuous sense of gratitude that she’s been able to come to know Kyoko more intimately; endlessly thankful that they could seek comfort in each other like this._ _

__“You’re okay, Homura. Everything is gonna be okay.”_ _

__Kyoko whispers as she pulls Homura in for another open mouthed kiss, using a harsh grip on Homura’s hair to tilt her head to her liking. Homura can’t help but wonder if she was saying that for her own sake, or if that was something she wanted to internalize for herself, and needed to hear out loud. She ponders what the root of Kyoko’s inexplicable investment in her wellbeing could possibly be, and ultimately concludes that Kyoko is just scared and lonely, and is using Homura as an outlet for those feelings. It’s completely understandable for her to be in a state of emotional duress after losing Sayaka and learning the truth about magical girls, and Homura supposes that she doesn’t mind being used like this. She wouldn’t really find such things objectionable under most circumstances, but after everything that Kyoko has been through, she deserves to be happy. Homura finds an ephemeral prickle of pride flaring with her at the thought that she can help her, even if it’s through something as minimal and frivolous as this._ _

__“Fuck, you’re so pretty...”_ _

__Kyoko coos, tenderly pushing against her shoulders until she was laying across the mattress, and scrambling to climb over her legs and settle on top of her. Homura feels her stomach flip at the fiery glint she can see in Kyoko’s ruby eyes, her fingertips alight with excitement at that slight smirk that she can barely make out in the darkness. Kyoko looks undeniably gorgeous looming over her like that, and Homura feels her eyes flutter closed as Kyoko dives back in to kiss and suckle at her neck and collarbones, a euphoric bliss settling over her as she loses herself to sensation of it all._ _

__“I’ve got you, I’m here for you. Whatever you need, Homura. I just want to make you happy.”_ _

__Kyoko purrs, brushing Homura’s hair out of her face and peppering a few affectionate kisses across her forehead. Homura feels her heart seize up in her chest at this, a discomforting weight of some emotion she desperately doesn’t want to acknowledge gnawing at her. Maybe Kyoko’s motives were different that she initially surmised, but her mind violently rejected the idea that the other girl earnestly valued her existence. She infinitely preferred the idea of Kyoko getting involved with her for purely selfish reasons, so she did her best to rationalize._ _

__Kyoko doesn’t love her. She may not have been entirely indifferent to the idea of Homura dying, but she was merely clinging to her out of a sense of destitute desperation. Kyoko’s fondness for her is simply a coping mechanism formed in Sayaka’s absence, and acting as though she cared about Homura was an ill formed method of processing her own grief. Despite this, Homura can still feel discomfort and uncertainty settling low in her belly, and the feeling seems to grow with each passing second._ _

__“Kyoko, I-“_ _

__Homura tries to protest, but Kyoko cuts her off by kissing her ever so sweetly, and Homura whimpers when she can feel Kyoko smiling against her lips. The guilt that she’d been trying to repress rushes over her in full force, and she blinks rapidly to force back the tears she can feel swimming in her eyes. By finding joy in something like this, she’s betraying her feelings for Madoka, which is utterly reprehensible no matter how she tries to justify it to herself. She has to stop this from escalating, even though the thought of upsetting Kyoko wounds her; the guilt permeates her conscious no matter what._ _

__“Stop, stop... Kyoko, get off me please...”_ _

__She whispers meekly, to which Kyoko immediately complies. The look of disorientation and concern painted brazenly across Kyoko’s features makes Homura’s eyes burn, but a numb type of relief washes over her once she can no longer detect Kyoko’s body weight against her._ _

__“Are you alright?”_ _

__Kyoko asks, wringing out her hands and looking down at Homura somewhat nervously._ _

__“There’s no need to worry. I just believe it would be advisable if we stopped for now...”_ _

__Homura trails off, her heart quavering with notes of pity as she watches Kyoko’s face scrunch up with apprehension, brows knitting together and shoulders tensing up._ _

__“You can still lay with me if you so choose. But I think it would be for the best if we both slept. If you actually want to, that is.”_ _

__Kyoko fidgets with her hands anxiously, seemingly considering Homura’s words before speaking._ _

__“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? You look kind of upset. I don’t want you to be-“_ _

__Homura grabs Kyoko’s hand and shakes her head swiftly, gesturing for Kyoko to lay down next to her. Uncertainly clouding her gaze, Kyoko tugs her hair out of its ponytail and lays down next to her. She snuggles her head into Homura’s pillow, trying to keep a demure space between them as she tugs the covers over them both. Kyoko is still peering over at her with a resigned sense of cautiousness, an intensity burning in her eyes like she really wants to say something more, but is actively deciding against it._ _

__“I’m fine.”_ _

__Homura says in a tone that’s meant to be reassuring, but comes across as more snappish than anything. Kyoko saddles up closer to her with a bit of hesitancy, and Homura just sighs and swallows her pride, closing the gap between them and wrapping her arms around Kyoko._ _

__“If you say so... Goodnight, Homura.”_ _

__She mumbles, returning the embrace and burying her face into the crook of Homura’s neck. Kyoko’s breathing starts to even out rather quickly, and she seems to fully drift off once Homura starts absentmindedly petting a hand through her hair and rubbing her back, tracing her fingers along the knobs of her spine._ _

__It doesn’t take long for Kyoko to start snoring, but Homura still keeps up the steady rhythm of brushing her fingers through her hair. She can’t help but silently wonder if she really does have some sort of bizarre complex, and is just trying to inhibit herself from being happy. She knows that Madoka would want her to do whatever would bring her joy, so why would she be opposed to this? If she was being completely honest with herself, Madoka would likely be deeply saddened by how deep her self hatred ran, and she would encourage her to seek out personal fulfillment in her absence. She wouldn’t be jealous or feel betrayed, so why did this feel so wrong?_ _

__Homura feels a wave of exhaustion overcome her at the torrent of all of these dizzying, confusing thoughts, and decides that it’s probably best to just get some sleep for now. She loops her arms around Kyoko’s shoulders and squeezes tightly, slowly drifting off into a dreamless sleep._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not dead y’all, I’ve just had writers block. I know most people are anticipating new chapters for my Danganronpa fics, but I’ve been having a lot of Madoka Magica brainrot lately, and so finally got the motivation to finish writing this chapter. Projecting onto Homura is a coping mechanism for the ages. She’s truly a fascinating cocktail of trauma and psychological issues, and writing her is incredibly cathartic to me. She is my highest kin, after all! I hope me and all 12 of the other KyoHomu shippers out there enjoy whatever this is.


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